The Artist’s Way Program: Week 11

The Artist’s Way Program: Week 11, Recovering a Sense of Autonomy

This is a series of blog posts following my experiences doing Julia Cameron’s 12-week Artist’s Way program. If this series is new to you, feel free to read the original book review first.

Week 11 helps us with “recovering a sense of autonomy.” It’s the second-to-last week and I feel sad that it’s almost over, like at the end of a great vacation or summer camp. This week’s chapter is all about accepting ourselves. While one can argue that’s what we’ve been working on through the whole program, I think we’ve been more steadily building towards this week’s true, full acceptance.

Cameron discusses the importance of separating creativity from success. Our creative value shouldn’t be measured by such external factors. She also hypes up the importance of exercise and, as a bit of a fitness addict myself, I avidly agree. Yes, it’s good for health, but there’s also more carryover benefits than one might think. Exercise is all about steady, slow self-improvement. It’s proof that small, manageable steps lead to great outcomes. Running a marathon may not seem to have anything to do with writing a book, but it proves to yourself that you can finish something. All it required was steady effort.

I skipped Cameron’s assignment of creating an “artist’s altar,” but I feel that it’s very similar to what I’ve already started doing with my inspirational poster (see my Week 1 post). This week also asked us to do one nurturing thing for ourselves every day. I found that excessive, but it just demonstrates how contrary it is to my nature. I think I nurture myself plenty…but every day? My “nurturing” included working on said inspirational poster, baking a cake, and finally buying a cookbook I’ve been talking about wanting almost every week for six months.

I liked meditating to my own recorded voice reading the Basic Principles. Honestly, I liked them better that way, though I don’t know what that says about my ego! Perhaps I just like my own tonal emphasis on phrases that make me work for the meaning. I also enjoyed listing ten wishes for the following categories: health, possessions, leisure, relationships, creativity, career, and spirituality. It was especially freeing that these wishes don’t need to be realistic. I wrote down a few things I want but know will never happen, another rather therapeutic exercise. I expected to find writing a letter to my Inner Artist silly, but to my surprise I not only loved it but loved it enough to add my letter to my inspirational poster. Mine is more like an apology, for neglecting and dismissing my “Inner Artist” all these years, trying to push with guilt rather than love, as well as a promise to treat myself differently moving forward.

Inspired by the Basic Principles meditation assignment, I did more meditating for my artist date this week and really liked it. Not an easy thing for someone who is all about productivity, but that’s also why I think I could gain a lot from meditation. I’m going to try to make it a regular habit, maybe starting with a mere ten minutes once a week. Slow, steady steps.

I skipped three of my seven morning pages this week. Cameron warns that most people avoid these pages when they’re processing a lot of negative emotions and that proved the case for me. I hit a major personal bump this week and, my apologies, but I’m going to be vague in what I share. Throughout this program, Cameron discusses how some relationships are built on sharing each other’s insecurities; when one person moves from insecure to confident, the other might behave more sabotaging than supportive. I rolled my eyes at and laughed off her repeated warnings about how other blocked creatives don't like watching their friends becoming unblocked. I felt convinced that all my prominent relationships are entirely healthy and supportive, and some silly self-therapy program is hardly going to trigger any major changes. Now I feel Cameron predicted something I didn’t see coming. This may sound superstitious, but I believe it's basic psychology: misery loves company. If you're lucky enough to find this program helps you replace stress and anxiety with peace and contentment, well, you may be surprised by who's not happy to see you happy.

This was a hard week for me personally, but only further convinced me of the value of this program.  Some relationships I thought were strong suddenly crumbled, but the timing speaks volumes about the noticeable change in my attitude. I'm happier, more content and relaxed, less stressed and anxious, more optimistic and mindful. I don't think this program created problems in my relationships; I think a healthier outlook allowed me to see problems I overlooked before. Also, as depressed as these incidents made me, I feel Cameron’s program provided me with an excellent tool chest for taking care of myself during a hard time.

THE DEAF WAY II ANTHOLOGY

Review of THE DEAF WAY II ANTHOLOGY: A LITERARY COLLECTION BY DEAF AND HARD OF HEARING WRITERS edited by TONYA M. STREMLAU

My only criticism about this, and other collections, comes down to personal taste. Because the linking theme here is Deafness, the genre of writing varies greatly. I found myself less interested in the poetry, of which there’s plenty, as well as the play (I love plays, but prefer to see them in the theater rather than read the script). That disclaimer aside, I did discover several standouts as well as stories geared specifically my tastes.

I’m most excited about Raymond Luczak’s fantasy story, “Depths of the River.” Big surprise; anyone who reads my blog knows that, while I’m an eclectic reader, my heart stays with fantasy. And, frankly, deaf and hard-of-hearing characters are massively underrepresented in that specific genre. However, that sad fact made it extra satisfying to read a compelling, well-written fantasy story featuring such elements. I also enjoyed Luczak’s other, non-fantasy entry, though very different.

In terms of other favorites, I really liked Melissa Whalen’s nonfiction focused on some typical deaf experiences. Her prose reads smoothly and reminded me of fiction; it felt more like I was reading a story than a memoir, which as a big fiction reader I mean as a compliment. Her content was also very absorbing, with one piece focusing on tinnitus and another discussing the pledge of allegiance. I agree with the writing advice that discourages vaguely rambling about the horrors of war and instead suggests mentioning specifics such as a child’s discarded shoe by the roadside. Whalen embodies that advice by narrowing deaf experience to detailed specifics and pulling forth universal emotions. I can’t fathom what it’s like to be deaf in our society, especially from one story, but I can empathize with the individual experiences that Whalen portrays.

Now despite my earlier disclaimer about my lukewarm interest in poetry, I did find some that appealed to me here. I liked the pieces that worked with the visual layout to add emphasis: what Curtis Robbins did with spacing and how Justine Vogenthaler adds something with bolded phrases. I found this especially meaningful in this particular anthology, since Deaf culture is so visual.

It’s a frustration of mine that many books by or about marginalized groups become marginalized themselves. Readers often think the book is only “for” people who identify with that group. What a shame and what a loss. I’m here to tell you that THE DEAF WAY ANTHOLOGY is a varied and talented collection for anyone who likes, well, reading.

Favorite Books Read in 2019

For those who follow my blog throughout the year, the books on this list won’t come as a surprise. I write long reviews, though, so below you can find much shorter descriptions of my favorite books from 2019. All the books I reviewed are linked to the original post.

Note that these are books I reviewed in 2019, not necessarily books published in 2019.

1.     EATING MINDFULLY by SUSAN ALBERS

There are a lot of other books out there telling you what to eat, but most of us could benefit more from considering how we eat. This small book is packed full of inspiring insight and mantras, helpful beginner exercises, and plenty of fodder for self-reflection and self-growth. Change the way you eat; change the way you think.

2.     THE HOW CAN IT BE GLUTEN-FREE COOKBOOK by AMERICA’S TEST KITCHEN

After learning I have Celiac disease and should never eat gluten again, I started teaching myself gluten-free cooking. While many of the gluten-free cookbooks I’ve tried have been disappointing, I found every single recipe from this one easy to follow and the results delicious. I’m discovering a few other good gluten-free cookbooks, but this one remains far and away my absolute favorite.

3.     BELLADONNA by ANNE BISHOP

This sequel to SEBASTIAN follows his infamously powerful cousin, our title-namesake Belladonna, as she prepares for the final showdown with the Eater of the World. Meanwhile, she meets a young man named Michael who, like herself, has been isolated from society for his unusual powers. 

4.     MURDER OF CROWS by ANNE BISHOP

The second book in Bishop’s THE OTHERS series opens with tensions already high between humans and the Others. After an incident of particularly underhanded sabotage, relations only worsen. Bishop remains one of my all-time-favorite authors: a master of her own comforting, utterly addictive, dark fantasy romance formula.

5.     BECOMING A WRITER by DOROTHEA BRANDE

First published in 1934, this book feels just as relevant today: proof that content shifts more than craft. Brande focuses on a combination of craft and philosophy: addressing emotional difficulties of the profession while also providing specific self-discipline exercises. My favorite is putting your distractible writer self on a time out.

6.     THE ARTIST’S WAY by JULIA CAMERON

Through twelve weeks of reading and exercises, Cameron encourages readers to find words for their psychological creative blocks and learn how to overcome those barriers. With insight and assignments centered on self-reflection, self-care, and self-improvement, she teaches sustainable, mindful habits for healthy, happy creative expression.

7.     INKDEATH by CORNELIA FUNKE

This conclusion to the INKHEART trilogy sees our young heroine Meggie trapped in the magical world of Inkheart with her father and other comrades, where they must find a way to defeat the cruel Adderhead. I love this series for its reading-centric magic system; the only way to defeat the Adderhead involves an extremely exceptional book.

8.     DAVID AND GOLIATH by MALCOLM GLADWELL

This popular nonfiction author delivers a fascinating book about underdogs, subverting expectations, and thinking outside the box. From girls’ basketball to organic chemistry to racial tension, Gladwell provides specific but eclectic case examples of people who approached problems in unique ways.   

9.     THE BOLEYN INHERITANCE by PHILIPPA GREGORY

After THE CONSTANT PRINCESS about Katherine of Aragon and THE OTHER BOLEYN GIRL about Anne and Mary Boleyn, Gregory delivers another gripping novel about Henry VIII’s unfortunate wives. THE BOLEYN INHERITANCE picks up after Jane Seymour’s death and follows King Henry’s fourth and fifth wives, Anne of Cleaves and Katherine Howard, as well as Jane Rochford, the window of Anne Boleyn’s brother.

10.  BIRD BY BIRD by ANNE LAMOTT

In this renowned book about writing, Lamott focuses on the emotional turmoils of pursuing a career as an author. She discusses typical writer advice, such as critique partners and outside perceptions of the field, as well as more unique topics, such as professional jealousy. Her distinct and well-articulated perspective makes even familiar insight a worthwhile read for any writer.  

11.  A DANCE WITH DRAGONS by GEORGE R.R. MARTIN

This fifth installment in the widely popular A SONG OF ICE AND FIRE series feels like more of the same, a great thing for the many hardcore fans. Pay attention as we follow dozens of distinct and intriguing characters navigating their way through this complex world and its brutal politics.

12.  REDEFINING REALNESS by JANET MOCK

With beautiful writing and impressive insight, Mock’s memoir distinguishes itself within a flooded genre. Clearly a very reflective person, Mock has had plenty of time to consider the labels society has given her: multi-racial, trans, victim, poor. She not only shares her specific experiences, but delves deeper for the universal meaning.

13.  THE LAST ANNIVERSARY by LIANE MORIARTY

When single Sophie’s one-who-got-away, now-married ex contacts her, the last thing she expects is that his aunt passed away…and left her house to Sophie. The house is on a tiny island legendary for an unsolved mystery: when a baby was found abandoned with no trace of what happened to her parents.

14.  WHAT ALICE FORGOT by LIANE MORIARTY

As a generalization, I’m not a fan of amnesia storylines; WHAT ALICE FORGOT is one of the few exceptions, simply because Moriarty skillfully triggers all my empathy vividly imagining Alice’s scared confusion.  Last that she remembers, Alice was young and madly in love. Then she wakes in the hospital: apparently ten years older, the mother of three children, and divorcing the love of her life.

15.  ABHORSEN and ACROSS THE WALL by GARTH NIX

ABHORSEN continues the namesake trilogy, jumping right into the drama and action cut off at the end of LIRAEL. ACROSS THE WALL, on the other hand, is an eclectic series of short stories that opens with a gripping, action-packed tale set in the same world as the trilogy.

16.  BLOOD OF TYRANTS and LEAGUE OF DRAGONS by NAOMI NOVIK

The eighth book of this wonderful series finds Laurence stranded in Japan with amnesia and separated from his dragon Temeraire. Then the ninth and last book presents our heroes with a rare opportunity to finally stop Napoleon’s reign of terror. I was sad to see this beloved series end, but will long remember the well-mannered dragon Temeraire and his comrades.

17.  SPINNING SILVER by NAOMI NOVIK

This novel opens on Miryem, a moneylender who earns herself a reputation for turning silver into gold. That reputation causes her no small amount of trouble when the fairy king takes it literally. This haunting book feels both wistfully familiar with classic fairy tale themes as well as captivatingly unique with multiple compelling heroines and a storyline that goes well beyond its inspiration.  

18.  THANKS, BUT THIS ISN’T FOR US by JESSICA PAGE MORRELL

This might be the single best book about writing, specifically the craft of writing, that I’ve read. A professional editor herself, Morell presents the convincing opinion that it’s easier to discuss and avoid the pitfalls of bad writing than try to describe good writing. To that end, she provides numerous, thorough checklists for assessing and revising your work.

19.  POISON, CHARM, and BEAUTY by SARAH PINBOROUGH

These fairy tale retellings look more directly at the dark subtext in these classics, spinning adult versions centered around lust, greed, ego, and cruelty. Though they can be read as standalones, the books work together as a longer story and each novel pulls on more than one fairy tale influence. 

20.  THE SIN EATER’S DAUGHTER, THE SLEEPING PRINCE, and THE SCARECROW QUEEN by MELINDA SALISBURY

Twylla is both her kingdom’s future queen, currently engaged to their prince, as well as the kingdom’s executioner, since her bare skin kills anyone who touches it. This young adult fantasy trilogy stood out in a crowded genre; I passionately invested in the characters and tore eagerly through the enthralling storyline.

21.  THE GLASS CASTLE by JEANETTE WALLS

To say Walls had an unusual childhood is a laughable understatement. In this stunning memoir, she relays the emotional complexity of her upbringing through short chapters, each detailing a specific memory. What I admire most is Walls’ restraint: both by describing emotionally charged events without much sentimental commentary and by portraying individuals as complicated and contradictory rather than caricaturizing them.

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The Artist’s Way Program: Week 10

The Artist’s Way Program: Week 10, Recovering a Sense of Self-Protection

This is a series of blog posts following my experiences doing Julia Cameron’s 12-week Artist’s Way program. If this series is new to you, feel free to read the original book review first.

Week 10 discusses “recovering a sense of self-protection” by taking a look at common creative perils and asking us to acknowledge our own toxic patterns. The chapter breaks these perils down into four common ones: workaholism, drought, fame, and competition. I think they’re all pretty self-explanatory. (Drought refers to creative dry spells.)

According to Cameron’s workaholism quiz, I’m definitely a workaholic, which I find both surprising and not. I know I work and push myself very hard and that I tend to define myself by how much work I do, but on the other hand my work is my passion (writing) and I’m good about making time for others (if not myself). Actually, this program has helped me make huge strides on pampering myself, too. So I think that I have a workaholic nature, but I feel I’m managing and balancing it pretty well lately.

One of this week’s assignments is to write “workaholism is a block, not a building block” on a piece of paper and hang it somewhere prominent. It was a very effective, necessary mantra for me. To emphasize that, my partner laughed the first time he saw it, confused by a phrase that seemed so contrary to everything he’s seen from me over the years.

As for other exercises, I particularly enjoyed the touchstones and deadlies tasks. For touchstones, you simply list things that make you happy and place that list in view, like the above mantra. I agree that it’s very uplifting to glance over at a list of happiness “touchstones.” (Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens and all that.)

For the deadlies assignment, you write the following each on a small strip of paper: alcohol, drugs, sex, work, money, food, family/friends. Fold and place in an envelope or hat. Select one and then list five ways that it has had a negative impact on your life. Place it back and select again six more times, for a total of seven. Yes, the fact that you’re putting them back means you’ll likely do some multiple times and others not at all, but Cameron argues that sometimes returning to the same one brings up more, possibly deeper issues. I found this very therapeutic and would be tempted to return to it another time, especially since I drew “work” three times and “drugs” twice. I didn’t write about sex, food, or family/friends at all.

Only two weeks left in the program and it feels like a natural part of my routine, something I look forward to each week. Despite my reluctance over trying this at all, I expect I will miss the program once I finish it. However, I know there will be carryover life lessons and activities.

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THE HOW CAN IT BE GLUTEN-FREE COOKBOOK

Review of THE HOW CAN IT BE GLUTEN-FREE COOKBOOK: REVOLUTIONARY TECHNIQUES. GROUNDBREAKING RECIPES. by AMERICA’S TEST KITCHEN

In May 2018, I discovered the source of various, and worsening, health issues throughout my entire first thirty years of life: Celiac disease. Since then, it’s been a fun—and often frustrating—challenge rethinking everything to do with food and eating. A significant part of this has been teaching myself gluten-free cooking.

I like to try several recipes from a cookbook before reviewing it, so this review is coming at least a year after a friend first gave me this cookbook. Honestly, the book overwhelmed me at first: by making gluten-free cooking sound very difficult and complicated. However, once I actually started making the recipes, I found them, without exception, easy and delicious; the difficulty was much over-hyped. (Perhaps because perfecting the recipes took the creators so many experimental attempts…but now it’s perfected!) And not only do I love the recipes, but my gluten-eating friends adore them as well, often saying they would never know the difference. So far this remains my absolute favorite gluten-free cookbook.

This cookbook comes from America’s Test Kitchen. What does that mean? Every recipe has literally come about from dozens to hundreds of test variations until numerous professional chefs and amateur home-cooks agree it’s close to perfection. I have tried several gluten-free cookbooks since my diagnosis. I’m still trying others and still hopeful, but so far every gluten-free cookbook but this one has been, well, gross. I try a handful of recipes that all taste so unappealing they wind up in the trash before I finally chuck the entire cookbook in, too. My point here is that this cookbook, the first one I tried, makes gluten-free cooking seem easy, even though it’s apparently not for everyone!

I planned to list the recipes I most liked, but I’ve loved every single thing I’ve made so much it’s hard to choose. I’m drawn to the comfort foods section where I discovered delicious: shepherd’s pie (especially relieved, because I’m part British and giving up my family’s shepherd’s pie recipe was a big loss), both meat and spinach lasagnas, chicken pot pie, and quiche Lorraine. From other sections, I also loved the basil pesto pasta (made several times, because it’s just as delicious cold as hot), buttermilk pancakes, sausage cornbread stuffing, banana bread, and English muffins. The only things I didn’t like clearly come down to taste. The mac and cheese is a little too creamy and cheesy for me, but everyone else at the table raved about it. The drunken noodles and tamale pie are a little too spicy, but those with a stronger tolerance loved both dishes and even I, with my British palate, like them with the spice turned down.

I have a big sweet tooth and found plenty more mouth-watering recipes to satisfy dessert: coffee cake, raspberry streusel bars, (a gorgeous-looking) plum torte, shortbread, carrot cake, gingerbread cake, and lemon pound cake. I also want to call specific mention to the chocolate cake as well as the lemon bars and lemon tart. The first, because I’m a chocolate addict and this chocolate cake not only met with my approval but is right up there with the best chocolate cakes I’ve ever had. I’ll make this one for my birthday this year and it won’t feel in any way a compromise. As for the latter, the lemon bars (and the tart that is basically one giant lemon bar) have proved so popular that I’ve made them well over a dozen times already.

As I mentioned earlier, I think this cookbook possibly makes some recipes sound harder than they are, mostly by discussing how many attempts went into this final result. I sometimes skip steps and find everything still comes out delicious. The most prominent example is that the book recommends creating your own gluten-free flour blend by buying lots of different flours and mixing the right ratios together yourself. I know a lot of Celiacs do this, but for me that seems crazy time consuming and I would love to avoid it. I used Bob’s Red Mill Gluten-Free Flour, the one with the xanthum gum included, in every recipe and loved all the results. The cookbook will tell you that Bob’s Red Mill has a slight bean taste. I have no idea what they’re talking about. None of the people who eat my food have any idea what they’re talking about. From my experience, I think Bob’s Red Mill is a fantastic time-saver. However, I do vastly appreciate all the extra content helping the reader to understand the science and techniques behind gluten-free cooking. After building my confidence with this cookbook, I’m now using those techniques to master other gluten recipe conversions myself.

Most importantly about this cookbook, if I don’t tell people the recipes are gluten-free, they can’t tell. I’m lucky and grateful that this was the first gluten-free cookbook I tried. When I did start trying others, I mostly found the results inedible. I imagine trying any of those cookbooks first and think how discouraged I would have been about gluten-free cooking. Thank goodness a thoughtful friend sent me this one the week of my diagnosis! Without caveats, people have told me the recipes I make from this cookbook are some of the best food they’ve ever eaten.

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EATING MINDFULLY

Review of EATING MINDFULLY: HOW TO END MINDLESS EATING & ENJOY A BALANCED RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD by SUSAN ALBERS

As will continue coming up in my reviews here and there, in May 2018 I was diagnosed with Celiac disease. I could fill post upon post with my experiences before and after the diagnosis, but for the purposes of this review let me say that I have always had a weird relationship with food. However, once I pinpointed that an undiagnosed autoimmune disease triggered by gluten explained all my health issues and what I simply thought of as “weird eating habits,” I wanted to teach myself something that some people master as young children while others spend a lifetime never mastering: how to eat healthy. And I do not mean what to eat. I indeed mean how to eat.

I loved this book. It feels odd raving about a book that discusses, of all things, eating, but the content was truly, and no exaggeration here, life-changing for me. I have always hated diets. As Albers acknowledges in this book, diets are about guilt, shame, and restriction. They also don’t work. Even if the dieter feels great on the specific diet or loses weight, if that was the ultimate goal, the restriction is like a tightening rubber band and eventually it springs back; the dieter either binges or falls back more gradually into unhealthy but familiar habits. I want to genuinely adjust my long-term relationship with food rather than force myself to eat how I think I “should” until I snap back to bad habits that I never really “fixed.”

I found this small book chockful of useful information, especially in terms of specific exercises and mantras. While I have maintained a food journal for short periods throughout my life for health reasons, I’ve never approached it with Albers’ emotional, mindful element. Don’t simply write what you ate, but how you ate. Were you hungry or just bored? Did you feel satisfied or overfull afterwards? Were you multitasking or really savoring the food? Note when eating or not eating, or what or how much you eat, triggers a particular emotion. You may think you know yourself, but a journal like this can be an excellent self-awareness technique for observing and tracking trends.

Among other suggestions, I like that Albers suggests putting away the scale. She’s hardly the first nutritionist to recommend this, and their similar reasoning makes sense. The scale encourages obsessive fixation with a number that doesn’t even represent your overall health and well-being. Many people already emotionally attached to their scale fear their weight will promptly balloon out of control without that accountability, but Albers and others make the point that you can tell whether your clothes are tightening or loosening and you can see if you’re looking slimmer or heavier in the mirror. The scale merely perpetrates a guilt-driven attachment to a misleading number. For anyone wondering how mindful eating affects weight loss, it’s a little bit of a circular logic. Many people eating mindfully do lose weight. However, if you treat it like a diet and begin the process with the goal of losing weight, you’re not really eating mindfully and you probably won’t lose weight. The idea is to learn to accept yourself (and that includes your body) as you are, honest not feigned acceptance, and learn to eat what you need, rather than eating for emotional reasons.

A few other concrete tips include seeking out non-edible stress soothers as well as eating with your non-dominant hand; this forces you to slow down and think about the process and the food a bit more.

As for mantras, I filled near two pages worth with those that inspire me, some food related but many others more general mindfulness. I’ll share a few:

Acknowledge food for what it is, rather than categorizing it as good or bad.

Name and then accept my emotions, whether positive or negative.

I can eat anything and everything I want; just ensure I actually want it.

Don’t defer “trying harder” to a later date, with food or anything else.

Life is about progress, not perfection.

I literally have dozens more of those. As someone who has struggled with stress, anxiety, and overthinking my entire life, I’ve recently discovered and embraced mindfulness. Mindful eating is really one aspect from an entire way of life focused on slowing down and living in the present, but it can be a great introductory starting point. Change the way you eat; change the way you think.

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The Artist’s Way Program: Week 9

The Artist’s Way Program: Week 9, Recovering a Sense of Compassion

This is a series of blog posts following my experiences doing Julia Cameron’s 12-week Artist’s Way program. If this series is new to you, feel free to read the original book review first.

Week 9 focuses on “recovering a sense of compassion,” or healing past shame. In this week’s chapter, Cameron discusses how failure can make us give up and introduces her concept of “creative u-turns.” A creative u-turn is when you let a great opportunity slip away, usually out of fear. Cameron’s examples include: a screenwriter has an agent offering representation if the writer only makes a few minor changes and the writer never makes those changes or a painter is accepted into a group show only to pick a petty fight with the owner and be kicked out.

Cameron insists everyone suffers creative u-turns, so I feel self-conscious admitting that I don’t think I do. At least, I can’t think of any. But her concept fixates on self-sabotaging an opportunity. In contract, I know I definitely have given up after failures. As I mentioned before, I never felt “blocked” with writing, and, no surprise then, I don’t do this with writing. I always—proudly, sometimes painfully—power through with writing. However, I have given up after a failure with other creative pursuits. A serious injury made me give up aerial silks, even after my physical therapist cleared me to return. Being rejected from an art program is what made me stop painting and sketching. I keep calling Cameron’s program self-therapy and this week triggered some interesting self-analysis for me: I realized I push through failure with writing because I’m pursuing it professionally while with creative hobbies I tend to bail at the first big problem. In other words, I don’t value creative pursuits enough to move past challenges unless I’m pursuing some financial gain from them. While Cameron does encourage those craving a creative career to follow that passion, her program also emphasizes that creativity is for everyone. Creative hobbies are as vital to our well-being, both as individuals and a society, as creative professions. (And, as a side note, I recall a convincing speaker at a writing conference urging that all creative professionals need creative hobbies as well, specifically ones that don’t earn any money and are simply creative outlets with no financial strings attached.)

I also really resonated with Cameron’s claim that fear of success is just a real as fear of failure. I definitely have both, but the former is much less understood. I’m well-networked in the publishing industry and, as eager as I am for a book contract, well-aware of the new stresses that each stage of my career will bring. In some ways, seeking an agent feels comfortable. If it’s an emotional rollercoaster, it’s one I’ve ridden so many times, I know exactly what to expect. I do want an agent and a book contract, but those are entirely new, unpredictable, and, therefore, scary coasters!

The biggest assignment this week is rereading all your morning pages. Cameron tells you to go at it with two different-colored highlighters. Use one color for insights and another for actions. Insights mean any of those wonderful or helpful revelations you may jot down while doing these pages. Actions are all the times you’re writing about things you want or need or feel you should do. I decided that every week, along with doing an artist date, I will pick one of my pages’ actions to do as well.

I had the exact same experience with the visualizing exercise as the first time I did affirmations. Cameron has you write out all the “juicy details” that would indicate meeting your dream goal. I approached the task with skepticism, convinced this cheesy assignment wouldn’t do anything for me. However, like affirmations, I found myself surprised by how empowering visualization can be. Cameron is definitely convincing me that daydreaming plays a vital role in creative motivation.

While I don’t feel creative u-turns are a big issue for me, I can certainly relate to creative setbacks and those moments, usually failures, that tempt you to give up. I’m a broken record with the way I harp on about mindfulness in these posts, but I think creativity should be more about the process than the product. Focus on the present, not the future nor the past.

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