The Artist’s Way Program: Week 4, Recovering a Sense of Integrity
This is a series of blog posts following my experiences doing Julia Cameron’s 12-week Artist’s Way program. If this series is new to you, feel free to read the original book reviewfirst.
Week 4’s theme is “recovering a sense of integrity.” I do find the themes pretty arbitrary, but this week’s a unique one for sure. Week 4 introduces the concept of media deprivation. Originally, Cameron pitched the concept as reading deprivation and the task was no reading for the entire week. Given our technology boom, she now suggests the term media deprivation, to include: no television, no computer games, no internet, etc. If you can, no phone. (I know: I heard some of you gasp.)
Contrary to Cameron’s suggestion in her introduction, I read the whole book before I even started the program. Uncertain about trying the program at all, I first wanted an idea of what to expect. Anyway, when I reached Week 4, I promptly decided, “Nope, not for me. No way can I go a whole week without reading. Is she insane? What kind of cruel person asks that of me?” and stopped reading. Of course, as these posts indicate, there’s more to the story. After a few weeks to mull on the idea, I warmed to it, or at least to trying it. Worst case scenario: I decide on first day of deprivation that I refuse to continue it and stop, but hopefully by attempting it I can learn about myself and really that’s the whole point here. However, I’m glad I knew to expect the media deprivation assignment ahead of time; otherwise, I would have thrown a big tantrum when I reached Week 4, maybe even given up on the program then and there in protest.
Part of getting the most out of anything is tailoring it to yourself. Cameron talks about how she always receives a lot of backlash to Week 4’s media deprivation, including lots of condescension about how impractical it is in this day and age, especially given the specific responsibilities most of us have. Cameron makes the point that she’s not asking anyone to get themselves fired; do whatever you need to do to keep your life functioning but honestly ask yourself what you can cut. For my part, I didn’t use my phone at all during this week, but I did decide to do a quick check in every evening, just in case someone had called or texted with anything urgent. I also let those closest to me know about my media deprivation week ahead of time, so they understood why I only responded once a day, in the evening. Avoiding television proved difficult in a shared house where others have it on a lot. I found I became less social in my efforts at avoiding the TV. By the end of the week, I made an exception for watching television with others, but still no watching it by myself for TV’s sake.
I struggled the most with not reading. To oversimplify things, I categorize television and computer games as “bad.” Even though I do enjoy them in reasonable moderation, I’ve very much internalized our society’s perception of those activities as lazy time wasters. So I can hop on board the idea of giving them up for a week. However, I’ve always considered reading “good,” associated with intellectual enlightenment, so I grumbled a lot to myself all week about the implication that we need breaks from it. Plus I’ve gone without television, etc. before, but I don’t think I’ve ever gone a week without reading. However, Cameron made some good points supporting her idea. She talks about how we spend much of our days inundated with other people’s words, and how, worthwhile though those words may be, that makes it difficult to find our own creative voices. Sometimes we need periods where we shut out the other chatter and listen primarily to ourselves. She convinced me enough to give this whole media deprivation thing an honest try.
To my own shock, at the end of the first day I loved media deprivation. It felt so freeing; I had a good chunk of time that normally goes to certain activities and it does encourage you to explore other interests that often get sidelined. I convinced myself I liked this concept enough to maybe even do a media deprivation week once every month! However, it all went downhill for me on the second day. To make a long story short, I discovered that I am Celiac in May 2018 and since then have been trying to teach myself gluten-free cooking, especially dishes I loved with gluten and now miss. Anyway, on day two I had a gluten-free cooking failure and this was my third failed attempt trying to make this dish gluten-free. Feeling very discouraged, I wanted to curl up on the couch and watch an episode or two of television before hopping into another task, and then I felt extremely frustrated that I wasn’t “allowed” to do that. From that point on, I spent the rest of the week in more of a withdrawal. Though I enjoyed doing other activities, I mostly felt cranky that I knew I was being denied others. Then the next week, Week 5, I had a bounce-back binge. I’ve often heard dieting doesn’t work well for most people, because it’s too restrictive, only multiplying cravings. Dieting works at first, until the dieter reaches a breaking point and then overeats instead. Media deprivation felt like that perception of dieting to me. After a week of denying myself these things, I had trouble being productive the next week; all I wanted to do was the things I missed the week before: read, watch TV, play games, clutch my phone to my chest and promise never to leave it again. However, I will say that the point of the assignment is to learn about yourself and that I did. I had no idea before this deprivation how much I rely on television as a comforting transition. I also didn’t realize how intensely reading ties into my sense of identity. If I’m not reading, who am I?
As for some of the other exercises, I wasn’t expecting to but I really liked writing our own artist prayer, a kind of poem encouraging your creativity. I write fantasy and I ended up pulling on references to the magic systems within my own books to write about yearning and empowerment. The process and end result were both very rewarding, especially because my prayer was so specifically individualized to me. On the other hand, I really didn’t get much from the time travel letter exercise, where you write a letter to your current self from the perspective of your 8-year-old self and then your 80-year-old self. I can be a literal person and didn’t like the level of imagination over fact required for writing from the perspective of my future self.
The morning pages no longer feel like stewing to me, but I do often struggle filling an entire three pages and still worry it’s a time waster. For my artist date this week, I did a puzzle. I love puzzles and think they’re one of the few mindful activities I enjoyed before ever “discovering” mindfulness. With puzzles, you work hard on something challenging only to promptly “undo” it once finished. It’s about the activity, the present moment, and not a practical or prestigious finished product.
I may try to do a media deprivation day again here and there, but I think a week is far too much for me. However, this challenging week certainly helped me become more aware of my habits related to media as well as what other activities I miss doing, such as coloring. I also like baking and exercise, but found there’s a reasonable limit to how much I can do those in a week! All that said, I’m relieved to have the media deprivation week behind me!-->